Music

Music is such an amazing way to express yourself, but I feel that it is so much more.  I always think to myself, "I wish that life had it's own soundtrack."  When you hear the perfect song for the exact mood that you are feeling it just lights your soul.  Whether you laugh, get a soothing feeling, get excited for something, cry, or dance, music makes you feel.  Here are some of my life songs at the moment.  Sometimes it is the words and sometimes it is the beat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM  If I die young
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZYky79tFas  Voices
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q97c5szTgIA  We are who we are
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2-vMdNk7fw New York City Christmas

They are quite the variety but they are me.
Enjoy if it touches you too or find your own!

Serving Others

Serving others is a usual thread that runs through my posts.  I feel that it is the one thing that we can do in this world that truly makes a difference.  Yes you can better yourself, but bettering the life of others is what we are here on Earth to do.  I think about this Holiday Season and how much of what we do is about the parties, gifts, and food.  Now don't get me wrong here, I love all of these things, especially the food, but when we engage in all of this hoop-la do we think about service to others?  We could go the extreme route of Christmas Eve helping at a soup kitchen or donating greatly to a charity.  But what about the day to day things in our lives.  Anyone can go to a soup kitchen and help once and feel good about themselves.  You can sign the check to the charity and send it in the mail pretty easily with out even thinking about it.  These things are not what I believe to be serving others.  I feel that they are more of a selfish way of making yourself feel better, because you helped once or gave money once.  Did you really serve anyone?  Yes, of course you probably paid for the next vile of testing agent for cancer research or made someones night be giving them a warm meal, but we can go home after that and check off the list of good deeds, pat ourselves on the back, and go back to watching Desperate Housewives and Cake Boss.  It is a whole mindset that we must have when we give/serve others.

Serving others is a daily task.  Giving of your time, possessions, and knowledge.  I am not so good at all of these things,  It is hard!!  We are so geared to be self-centered and I am the first to admit that!  But I try to push through that and give.  Not to receive but to help.  It doesn't always make me feel good to do things for others, and I believe that is normal.  What is good is that you do it.  Some can give their empathy, some can give their possessions, some their wealth, but whatever you give don't do it for you.  Take the time to think about the service that you are doing. 

For Christmas this year, I decided to donate half of the money that I would usually spend on gifts to the charity of the recipient's choice.  As I continued to think about this, I started to think about this idea of serving others.  At the beginning, I felt proud and satisfied that I had thought of this idea, but as I continued to think about it, I began to feel guilty for thinking that way.  It wasn't to satisfy me it was to help/serve those who need it.  And then I started to think about how wealthy people, no one thinks that we need to serve them in the way of giving, but I feel differently.  They need the love, support, and knowledge.  They may not need the money, possessions, or food, but serving others does not mean giving just monetarily.

Here is an example: I am an extremely fortunate person.  I have an amazing family that loves me and keeps me grounded, a full-time job, and I live extremely comfortable money wise.  Does this mean that I don't need service to others?  It maybe sounds like I should be only serving.  Well this is not the case.  I have been living rent free in homes of family and friends.  My fiance tells me that I should have gotten my own place and paid rent like everyone else and he is probably right.  But these families have freely given this opportunity to me.  Why would you want someone in your house or get away spot, I mean come on especially a spoiled young girl?  She doesn't deserve that!  I don't know why they said yes, but it sure wasn't a convenience to them.  I still get goosebumps thinking about how giving they are to do that for me...who because of where I come from is not someone who needs it.

We all have something to give and we are all here to do just that.  We all need the service of others.  As much as we think we should be independent, we aren't.  We need others be it for money/love/ guidance/ or strength.  Please remember to just give so that others are able to live a more comfortable life; that is why we are here.

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.  ~Raymond Hull

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~e.e. cummings

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.  ~Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?  ~Fanny Brice

In this world it is hard to be who you really are.  The world we live in makes us change and think we need to be a certain way. All we need to be is who we truly are inside.  We may annoy others, we may inspire others, or we may just be that average Joe.  Whoever you are,  be you.

We are NOT in control

This Sunday, the sermon at my (wonderful Calvary Lutheran) church was about control...not having it.  We want it and desperately try to have it but really we don't.  When things are seemingly perfect or go the way they are supposed to go, we have control.  No we really don't.  This sermon really made me think about how I look at life.  If I just save enough for the down payment, go to see my grandma next time I am home, or win the next game then everything will be taken care of and under control.  What happens when you suddenly need that savings to pay for your spouse's medical bills, then your grandma is injured before you get to see her again, and you lose the game even when you gave it your all.  You find out that you are not in control of your life and no matter how much you think you may be you never really know what will happen next.  Let God have the control...follow and he will lead.

Thanks + Giving

When you sit down for you big meal today it is a time to be thankful.  What are we thankful for?  Generally it is easy to come up with an answer like family, friends, health, and happiness.  This holiday is about giving thanks for what we have.  I like to also look at it as being thankful for all the giving.  God provides us with what we need.  He is giving us everything.  All of the people that touch our lives are gifts he freely gives to lead us and guide us on our way through this crazy life. 

I am thankful for all of the giving...not of things but for all the people that God has given to touch my life and make me who I am today; someone who is deeply thankful.

Happy "thanks for the giving" to all!

Roll with it

I got my old guitar and some fishin poles
So baby fill that cooler full of something cold
Don't ask just pack and we'll hit the road runnin
honey what do you say

I got just enough money and just enough gas
So pick a place on the map we can get to fast
Where the white sandy beach meets water like glass
And if the tide carries us away

Baby we'll roll with it
Won't think about it too much
Baby let's just go with it
And get out of this ordinary everyday rut

And we get swept away by one of those perfect days
When the sun is sinking low at dusk
And wind up a little deeper in love
Baby lets roll with it

We get so caught up in catching up
Trying to pay the rent trying to make a buck
That don't leave much time for time for us
And aint life too short for that

So open up that bag of pig skins you bought
At the Exxon station the last time we stopped
And you kick back baby and dance in your socks
On the windshield to some radio rock

And we'll roll with it
Won't think about it too much
Baby let's just go with it
And get out of this ordinary everyday rut

And we get swept away by one of those perfect days
When the sun is sinking low at dusk
And wind up a little deeper in love
Baby lets roll with it

And it won't be no thing if it starts to rain
And we have to wait it out in the truck
We might wind up a little deeper in love
So baby lets roll with it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I37vM8u1zrY

This song is for all of you who need to roll with it!

Worry

Why do we worry?  In my mind, worry only makes us enjoy the moment less.  There are times when we can't help ourselves, but a majority of the time the things we worry about are not in our hands.  God has total control.  He will take care of our precious loved ones and never put us in situations we can not handle.  Yes, it may not be what we want, seem unfair, or even unbearable, but those are the lessons we need.  We were not put on earth to have the happiest, most carefree life.  We are here to serve others, be there and comfort people when they need it, hold someones hand when they can't speak, and guide those who do not know the way.  Sadness is inevitable and the sooner you come to realize that the more you will find peace.  If you see the good in every situation after some time to process it makes a difference.  Worry will never help.

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”
-Leo F. Buscaglia

your time

I just returned from an Engineering Conference for Elementary Students.  It was excellent, but I found myself wondering, where is the time now for me to turn around and implement all of this new and exciting material?  I started thinking about this idea and began wondering about how do I take time to implement all of the things I learn in life.  We live these fast paced competitive lives, where enjoying coffee with a friend for 3 hours is not considered using your time wisely or watching a classic cartoon with 1st graders and laughing along is not teaching.  Being efficient, quick, and cutting out the bull**** are desirable qualities and they make you "better" then the others who are lazy or relaxed. 

I feel that I can never enjoy the TIME I have because I am trying to find the TIME to get all of the things in that I need to get in during that hour, lesson, or visit.  It makes for a stressful and anxious ridden lifestyle.  Why do I have to cut short the long walks with my dad to ensure I read the entire article for my continuing education class?  Or if I do the walk, then I am extremely tired and not as punctual the next day because I stayed up reading all night.  How do I exercise each week, get groceries, make a healthy dinner, spend time with family, friends, myself, and try to plan lessons for 25 squirrel-y first and second graders each day? What will I do if when I decide to have kids?

I am sure that if someone had the answers they would be screaming it, but my little lesson for today is to take the FREAKING TIME to hug your colleague after a tough day, sit on the phone in your jammies for an hour on Saturday morning talking to your friend in another state, truly hear the children laughing, and window shop all afternoon, because you love the area.  Do what makes you happy and the time will be there.  Just do it and don't think about it too much, because then the time is gone.  Don't miss the important things, because there is no time.

“I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.”
~ Oprah Winfrey

Do you know who you are?

I feel that getting to know yourself is a difficult task in our world today.  I know that I am always "getting to know" others with the new experiences in my life, but wonder do I really know who I am?  I was lucky enough to start this journey early in my life.  With moving to college, my world had changed forever.  I thought I knew myself with great confidence in high school, but it turned out that I found myself lost in college. My dad suggested a daily devotional, then I started journaling, and I began seeing a counselor through Gustavus. It wasn't easy, but I feel that it has brought me to a better place.  I don't have all the answers and I am still getting to know myself, but I never give up.  I dig deep inside of myself to find my truth. 

I am writing this (and most of my blog) because I want the people I care about to have these amazing feelings.  In my life when I am in a good place I want others to be able to someday have that same feeling.  I know that is not always possible, but if I can bring a feeling of warmth or brightness at the end of a long day to someone I love, it is all worth sharing. I believe life is about service to others and this is one way that I want to fulfill that obligation.

If you want to find out more about who you really are, please start!  It isn't the easiest journey, but I know that the end results will help you find peace in this world of unrest and bring you happiness. 

I am reading the book, "A CURE for the Chronic Life" by Deanna Favre and Shane Stanford. I would suggest it to anyone wanting to start a journey of change to find true happiness.

My sister has what we are all searching for tattooed on the outside of her left foot, "Inner Peace." It is an inspiration to me and I hope that others are inspired to take the time to find your true self.

Where I am From...Willmar

I’m from the small town of train tracks and lakes.

You always give and no one takes.

Where the whole community means everything.

Where my friends and family meet up after weeks

And remember times that make us all unable to speak.

I’m from the All-American city where everyone knows

How fast the time goes.

Where you live for Friday night games

And everyone knows everyone’s names.

It is Cardinal Country here all the time.

Where you bleed red and white and give every dime.

I’m from late night talks up with mom and dad

And friends sitting around the kitchen glad.

Where the church ladies gossip about all the kids

And rough play they forbid.

Where a simple life is what it is all about

And we thank God for all that he has freely given out. 

I’m from an early spring walk with a friend

Where you run into neighbors and talk until the end.

Where the front yard is full of grass

And you wish you never had to go inside because of the forecast.

I’m from a Midwestern life where true love brings hope

And the promise of an up hill slope.

Where many people know nothing different

And it truly leaves them content.

It may not sound like much,

But where I am from warms my heart a whole bunch.

the words you say or write

Today, I read a couple responses from people that were condescending and hurtful.  Tears swell up in my eyes when others speak so harshly.  Why do people choose to insult or belittle others? Does it bring comfort or power?  I feel that as strong or positive as you can be, when you hear these words you are always saddened.  It sickens me that there are people that hurt others with words that way.  Now don't get me wrong, some people need a little kick, but it doesn't make sense to go after people that way.  What about talking politely, or making the effort to suggest a plan to help change?  Why does attacking seem like the right thing to do, or why do we need to respond with anger and disgust?

Later, I received words of love and kindness.  These words warmed my heart and still the tears where flowing.  Reading those words made a world of difference.  They made my day and they reinforced my belief in the power of friends and family. 

When you write or speak with anyone to do it with kindness...you never know how they may take what you say.

Success

What is success?  Is it making a lot of money or being the best?  How far will you go to make sure you succeed? Do you ever make it to where you want to be or do you keep wanting/need more?
I believe that success is not about making a lot of money or being the best at a certain job.  It is about people our relationships with them.  I am reading the book, A CURE for the Chronic Life.  It helps me to stay grounded in why we are here.  We are not here to be better than our neighbors, skinnier than our co-workers, or richer than our friends.  We are here to serve each other and build on relationships with empathy, compassion, and understanding.  If we strive to have the biggest bank account or the newest version of the IPhone as defining factors in our lives, we will never be happy.  But, if we follow up with friends, help those in need, and truly listen we will find a peace in our relationships with others.  Being successful to me is have people in my life that I would do anything for and they would return the favor!

Success is real, but is it really what we think it is?

Negative Attitude

Why do people have to have a negative attitude about everything?  Yeah, some things suck, but why do some people decide to always degrade, bitch, and crab about it.  There is nothing good that comes from it.  Pain and worry fill the minds of people who are doing their best or trying to enjoy the moment.  An attitude that creates pain has no place in my life.

"I had no shoes and complained,
until I met a man who had no feet."
Indian Proverb

Thankful

This morning I went for a short walk in Linden Hills, one of my favorite places to be.  I took in the beautiful sights and sounds of Fall.  I love to just take time for me to think, breathe, and reflect. This world is full of distractions that fog our minds from really knowing what is important.  When I take the time to stop and re-evaluate what is important and real it is crazy to me how life is so messed up.  Everyday I talk with people who never really get it, and then there are those who have lived these lives of forgivness, empathy, and love.  It isn't that I judge those who "don't get it" I just want them to experience the wonderful feeling you get, when you live life the other way.  Evern since I started thinking about my actions, thoughts, and words my life has been different.  I think of others more then myself in a helpful way, I take care of myself, and I live for family and friends.  I believe that life is not about money, pocessions, or success.  It is about serving others and remembering why are you are here.  I feel that it is so easy to get soooooo caught up in an image and beging successful (generally financially).  There is no way those things will make you happy in the end unless you spend time with your family and friends and be real and true to yourself.  If I have learned anything in my short 22 years, I would say that taking care of yourself is the first thing you need to do for you to help others.  Live life as an example, not because you are better than others and they should strive to be like you, but to help others. 

I want to thank all the people who have helped me to be at this point in my life!

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.  ~Agnes Repplier

The beginning

I want to start a blog to share my thoughts on life and living.  I need a place to write, because speaking my mind is not my the easiest thing to do especially with those I do not feel comfortable with.  I don't want to worry about my grammar, spelling, or opinions.  I just want to write to soothe my soul; speak my inner most thoughts, and share my view freely.  Read and enjoy...or don't, but know that I believe in everything I say and it is a blessing to be able to be able to express myself!