Blame...why can't we take it?

Blame has always been confusing to me.  People can't take being blamed but then we are criticized for not being able to take the blame when it is our fault. I looked up at Dictionary.com what they define the word blame as.

–verb (used with object)

1. to hold responsible; find fault with; censure: I don't blame you for leaving him.

2. to place the responsibility for (a fault, error, etc.) (usually fol. by on ): I blame the accident on her.

3. Informal . blast; damn (used as a mild curse): Blame the rotten luck.

–noun

4. an act of attributing fault; censure; reproof: The judge said he found nothing to justify blame in the accident.

5. responsibility for anything deserving of censure: We must all share the blame for this deplorable condition.

 

So, in my own words I see it as saying taking responsibility for a fault that you had been involved with at some time.  Why can't we take the blame?  Why is this word or the idea of blame have a negative connotation?  A lot of times I hear consoling...people telling others, " No it is not your fault you are not to blame," but what if you are...why can't we own up to that and move on.  I feel that we need to be true and look at what is really happening.  If you are to blame take that stand, but don't use it to make your life miserable or for others to feel sorry for you, it is a lesson. 

 

An example that comes to my head is from conversations in my own family.  We are a family of great love, but very private.  Our outside is not the same as our inside and I believe many families to be this way...probably most.  In my family, we have struggles and we have been playing the blame game.  I look at it this way.  In a family you all have an influence over each other.  If you are giving advice, teaching, or modeling you are influencing or effecting each others lives.  So when something goes right or wrong you have a part in it, meaning you are up for praise or blame.  In this specific situation in my family, my loving sister is struggling with some usual things of moving to college and some not so usual.  My parents are worried and trying to figure out why.  We have had many talks about enabling, decisions, and modeled behavior.  They take some blame or fault in this.  My parents feel bad...as most people do when they are to be blamed for something, but why?  Why do you feel bad?  Why can't you feel a sense of relief that you can change your behavior?  You have solved some of the problem and you really learn about yourself in the end as well. 

 

 I think that parents struggle with this.  If their dear child hurts or goes through a difficult time they can't bear it.  They don't know why or what to do.  In my opinion, our parents will always be to blame for how we turn out.  Not all of it, but how can you say that they do not have an influence if they teach you most things in life from 0-18 and beyond?  You are also a factor in their success.

 

My advice as a non parent (not too credible, but I do work with kids closely and daily, where I believe I have an influence on them, meaning I take blame):

Yes you are to blame.  Realize it and turn it into something good.  Your parents are to blame for some of the negatives in your life and it goes all the way back.  We are not perfect people, we strive to do our best, but we mess up.  We don't parent perfectly and we don't live perfectly, but if we never take the blame or compliment we never know the truth.  So take the blame and then move forward.  Blame doesn't have to be a negative word...it can be an answer to a problem and you can move forward from there.

 

 

"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
John Burroughs

 

"History is the story of events, with praise or blame."
Cotton Mather